Surprise!

You get a poem today

Untitled Poem for now, in March, while the rain beats on my roof like tapping fingernails

The dirty city is dark now. Guitars lean in corners, 

silhouettes hover over the garbage of yesterday

I keep saying no when my roommate’s ask if I want to go out

I type that into google. I don’t learn anything new

so I stick cold butter on somebody’s stale slice of bread

and think of my girlfriend’s brown curls. I left all my friends

to live near the mountains. I keep saying no when offered help

I wonder if whiskey would help—shiny liquid in yellow mug, warmed up

honey stirred into the whole golden lot. Bikers cross the street

while men shout about nothing, I flinch when they say fuck

yet it rolls off my tongue so well, golden words flung 

into the ambulance abyss, under the Calapooya, under river skies

under the messy lake of my body that’s sinking, sinking, sinking

falling spinning like rain on a tin roof, fingernails tapping.