This is Dreaming
what a little bit of bad drawing can do
How is everybody doing? I feel like there have been some consistent themes of Doing Poorly and I want you all to know that I’m rooting for each and every one of you. Though this might not be the point of Getting Better, it seems somewhat soothing to know that I’m not the only one who can count on their long but little fingers how many mornings I have felt happy.
Which sounds terrible, but better to admit, right? I’m not sure.
Yesterday was a full day of sunshine and the day before that was a half day of sunshine. I spent it going on walks, reading in the park, pulling weeds, and eating bananas with my favorite creamy peanut butter. This morning it is foggy again but I made lots of circles around town helping a new friend find a job. Which means for the past two days I have enjoyed existing. Getting better!
On Tuesdays I have been writing a lot about my present life—probably because where I am in the world often changes each week (physically and mentally) and I find it all revealing and funny and a little sad. I guess I hit a bit of a low with that because in the long run these are just cycles and circles and yes, we can do as much as possible to “Get Better”, but I think trying to get better is making it worse. Instead, I’ve been trying to learn from it. What is painful? What needs to shift? It’s wonderfully awful that we get these signals from our body and mind. I am by no means saying we should live some kind of masochistic lifestyle in which we run to pain, but when pain is present, maybe we should listen to it and try to understand it.
I am guessing I will have to wait out this pain until I know why it’s here. It’s like a delayed flight. I’m sitting in the airport, things get cancelled. It’s liminal. It’s like 2020 all over, which we’re still in. Did you know that’s probably why we’re all tired and sad and god these circles are repeating themselves. I want a new circle! (That appeared in my brain like Haley Heynderickx’s lyric “I want to start a garden!”) I want to start a circle!
So that I don’t spend all of my writing life over analyzing this head of mine, I’ve been trying this new exercise where I write about the things that make me happy in comic form. So the character is not named Jo and he’s a little boy who wears only oversized shorts and has squiggly arms and legs (obviously not me).
I attached the “comic” below, for everybody’s viewing pleasure. If you decide to write about your life in a vague way—about someone who is not completely you and can live wherever you want them to and do whatever you want them to—let me know. It would make me so very happy.
Love,
Jo
